Man, I’ve found these last few days HARD, and maybe you have too?
I’ve had moments of real sadness and fear, for no particular reason other than I feel sad and afraid (we are in the middle of a pandemic afterall). Every day there is a micro-grieving for the small but precious moments that didn’t happen and that’s real.
And brewing away in the background, there’s a quiet realisation that our journey out of this thing will be tougher than our journey in. I have some real resistance about leaving the safety/known-ness of this “lockdown-bubble” and weathering the road ahead, especially as a business owner with so many difficult decisions to be made. And while I long for a sense of normality again, I know it’s a long way off and it’s not going to be the same as when we left it. Not for a very long time. This is countless levels of hard.
But what other choice do we have? Because here’s the thing….
I want to sit with my girls chatting over brunch,
I want to hug a student and know that we’re both healthy and safe
I want to hang with my family and tut when my brother teases me again,
I want to jump on a train to explore art galleries and go dancing
I want to hang with my tribe….just doing nothin’
I want to have a face-to-face conversation without having to see myself staring back (thank you zoom!)
Rolling with the ups and downs of life is not easy – it’s why I practice yoga and meditation. We all like to feel we’re in control, at least a little, and certainly around the things we feel we ought to be able to count on!
So when life doesn’t unfold like the picture in our heads of “how things should be”, it’s natural to contract against that, but opening to it creates a lot less suffering. That doesn’t mean everything will be easy, it just means it will be a lot easier!
So in the teachings of those smart people in 12-step programmes, I’m taking each day as it comes, doing the next right and loving thing, and then staying the hell out of trying to control any outcomes.
And when I don’t know what to do (which is daily!), I’ll pause, let myself be confused for a while and just not know….until I know. Life has an amazing way of ‘righting’ itself. I trust in this deeply. Hoping you can too.
Sharing this poem “Allow” – by Danna Faulds as food for the soul. Love Dx
“There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt, containing a tornado.
Dam a stream and it will create a new channel.
Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry you to higher ground.
The only safety lies in letting it all in – the wild and the weak; fear, fantasies, failures and success.
When loss rips off the doors of the heart, or sadness veils your vision with despair, practice becomes simply bearing the truth.
In the choice to let go of your known way of being, the whole world is revealed to your new eyes.”